Just finished watching the documentary series The African Americans: Many Rivers to Cross

All of the episodes deal with some heavy stuff of course.  The last episode is the one that actually got to me for real.  About half of the time covered in the final episode is during my lifetime.  While there was a sense of hopefulness in the episode, there was also this deep sense of loss and hopelessness in my opinion.  Whenever there seemed to be gains, something happen to set us back.  King’s assassination, the “War on Drugs,” the crack epidemic.  Hurricane Katrina and Trayvon Martin got me.  Surviving Hurricane Katrina and remembering the immediate aftermath…man I will never forget that and those memories really get to me sometimes.  All the destruction, people misplaced, the government just basically left people out there to suffer and die.  It’s hard to think about.  The Trayvon Martin was just another instance of Black bodies being devalued and treated as if they were dispensable, like trash that needed be thrown away.  Definitely makes me less comfortable walking around, especially in a neighborhood I’m not from.  All of those things just have me feeling a certain way right now.  I just wonder will things ever right for us.  Is this a losing battle that we’re fighting, will any of us alive today live long to see the battle won? I don’t really know the answers to any of those questions. All I can really say is that I know that I’m going to make sure that I’ll use my talents and skills to the best of my ability to aid in this fight.  This Ph.D. is going to mean something, it’s going to put to use, somehow someway.  Knowing everything that I know and having these experiences, there’s no way I will leave here without at least making some contribution to the struggle.  Whatever it is, I”ll have something to offer

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